Did your libido change? Your partner’s? Were you afraid? Were not on the same page as your partner i.e. you did, but your partner didn’t or vice versa?
I’m an expectant father and writing a blog and book for expectant dads on how to better understand and help their partners during pregnancy.
http://blog.almostadad.com
I’d love your feedback to help me out and to help other dads-to-be.
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16 Comments Received
July 16th, 2010 @5:05 am
It never bothered me. I know some people are leery about it at first, they think ythey’re going to hurt the baby when it’s only an inch long and SOOOOO well-protected, but neither my husband nor I ever felt that way. The sex slacked off a bit when I had morning sickness, for obvious reasons, and it’s slowed down a bit now that I’m far into my third trimester and sex just isn’t all that comfortable, but we’ve done it at least 2 times a week all along…and probably every day in the second trimester. My opinion is that sex made the baby…it’s not going to hurt it!
July 17th, 2010 @7:43 pm
I’ve sort of lost my desire. Not that I don’t really WANT to, but don’t have the energy to. I’m ready for bed by 9pm (I get up early for work) and my husband’s awake til 12am or later! If he’s looking for it, I’ll do it, and enjoy it, but I’m usually not the one to start it. Also I think it’s just cause I’m so large, the normal stuff isn’t very comfortable anymore, and I don’t necessarily like my new body…
July 17th, 2010 @10:00 pm
Its absolutely normal for libido of the women to change. After all she’s going through so so many hormonal changes in such a short time. Its normal sometimes for both partners not to be on the same page after all its also emotional for the husband as well.
I would suggest checking out What to expect when you’re expecting and what to expect in the First Year. You’ll find EVERYTHING you need to and want to know. It really covers every topic you can think of and every circumstance that you can think of.
July 19th, 2010 @12:33 pm
When I was pregnant I enjoyed having sex… throughout the whole 9 months… My Husband also didnt mind the belly he liked it after a while you get use to the fact that its there!
with my second child it was the same thing and picked up right after we had him…
so sex during pregnancy and after has been Great… at least with Me and my husband it has…
July 22nd, 2010 @3:28 pm
sex during pregnancy is OK unless you are a high risk pregnancy. I had multiple cysts on my ovaries and my ovaries were enlarged and i wasn’t cleared to have sex until about 9 weeks.
I don’t think my libido changed as much as we were worried about hurting the baby. We were pretty much on the same page as far as sex..we weren’t going to jeopardize the baby, but once we got the go ahead.. we were fine..sex resumed as normal.
July 23rd, 2010 @9:30 pm
physically she can have sex up into the last stage, unless there is a problem and then the doctor will tell you not to. But during this time she will not feel well and can get very moody. I have been there, I was never overly moody but felt physically bad and very ugly. She needs him to be understanding when she is having a hard time because of morning sickness or whatever and to still feel beautiful in his sight.
July 24th, 2010 @10:52 pm
doggy style or you on top is what was most comfortable. dont worry i’m 41 weeks and overdue…sex still hasnt helped labor come on. enjoy it while you can, you cant have sex for at least six weeks after childbirth, longer if you have surgery or if you tore badly, but at least 6 weeks ’cause you’ll tare a little no matter what and have at least 4 stitches. my cousin did 4 weeks afterwards and she got an infection and had to go to the doc for antibiotics.
libido changes in the beginning for me at least, you get more sex drive in the 2nd and 3rd trimester.
July 25th, 2010 @1:46 pm
well….i’m 3 months pregnant and i still have sex with my boyfriend….my libido changed a little bit….i don’t feel like doing some of the stuff we used to….it kinda feels like my partner changed….but not in a bad way….i am afraid everytime i have sex now that i’m pregnant…idk why though….my boyfriend gets scared too.
July 26th, 2010 @8:38 am
When I was pregnant, I craved sex more than usual. My partner however, only wanted sex once a week because he was scared of hurting the baby. When we did have sex, he’d go real soft & slow, not “wanting to poke the baby on the head” and would never ejaculate inside me. He said he didn’t want to “cum on the baby”! Well, i didn’t agree with any of that, but unhappily went along with it. Sex should continue as normal. This will prevent any strain on your relationship and in no way would harm the baby. Any doctor will tell you.. sex during pregnancy is both healthy & safe! (the more the better i say!)
July 28th, 2010 @8:18 am
I’m eighteen weeks pregnant. I’ve always had a fairly high libido. Except when I felt a bit sick during the first trimester, that didn’t really change much.
My husband, on the other hand, wanted sex much less the moment he found out that I’d conceived. He’s ridiculously frightened of poking the baby in the head or jiggling the baby loose, or whatever crazy notion he has in his head. And whipping out scientific proof that none of that could ever happen doesn’t help.
If he were more willing I might have had more time to form those worries or fears, mine leaning more towards my later half of pregnancy.. for example, if he were on top, would there be a risk of squishing the baby? Poking the baby I don’t fear, but squishing I do. But, since he’s so disgusted with the entire concept, I’ve mostly become grumpy and angry rather than worrying at all.
[Go ahead. You can judge the marriage. He left me a few weeks ago. I'm just telling you how it was while we were together while I was pregnant. He decided that he'd rather be with a teenager than his pregnant wife.]
July 28th, 2010 @12:44 pm
Well, depending on the stage of my pregnancy, sometimes I’ve felt just too sick or uncomfortable or tired…but my wonderful hubby has been through this before (this is my first) and he has been great the whole time. He’s always been understanding when I’m not “in the mood’ and he never shyed away from me. (I am 36 weeks). In fact, he has throughout the whole time still told me how beautiful and attractive I am, and to me, this has really helped me a lot. (especially in the later stages of pregnancy when you are huge and feeling it, its wonderful to know that your husband is still attracted to you). I’ve heard of guys being afraid to have sex with their partner for fear of hurting the baby or something. I guess i would also tell any expectant father that unless the Dr. says otherwise, any sexual interaction with their partner is just fine as long as you are both feeling up to it. Even if their fear is for the baby’s safety/health, I would imagine that the guy shying away from sexual activity would make the woman feel very unsexy and undesirable (which is easy enough to feel on your own during this time)!
July 28th, 2010 @11:32 pm
My husband and I have only had sex once since I conceived. I am now 9 weeks preg. My husband is terrified that he will “shake something out of place.” I on the other hand want it. I am now starting to have sex dreams. I wish I could ease his mind on the subject. I believe his sex drive is gone!
July 31st, 2010 @4:34 am
Well I’d have to say that during the first few months of my pregnancy the very last thing that I wanted anything to do with was sex! I just felt fat and bloated and I didn’t have a cute shape at all anymore, my body was just all out of wack, not to mention my head! (lol) Once I started getting bigger and my belly got harder I began to love my pregnant body and I finally felt sexy again. I started to feel good again in my second trimester, and at this point I was used to my new hormones and my new way of thinking. I really enjoyed my sex life during this time, all the way up until the last month or so I loved it. During those last few weeks I just felt way too huge! I felt bigger than my man and that wasn’t a good feeling!
So, at this point I was just over my “sexy pregnant body” and I was ready to have a normal small body again! On the other hand, he was up for it ALL the time! But what man isn’t? 
August 2nd, 2010 @7:22 pm
My sex drive was crazy first 2 trimesters.I was horney alot, n even the smell of him was enough to get me in the mood. Bad thing if I wasnt horney I was sick.
My ex didn’t mind the belly at first until it started to get in his way, then he would say things, like cant we hurry this pregnancy up.
Doc assured me sex was ok while pregnant. But after I was about 9 months n my belly was huge, I wasnt that interested in it, it just got to be a chore, belly was in the way, n we could only spoon n it got boring. So I stopped.
You also need to address the changes after the labor. A woman is usually tender down there, n is told not to have sex for after 6 weeks. But for me after I had my tubal, I didn’t want it at all, infact to have pressure on my stomach just killed me.
August 3rd, 2010 @2:14 pm
Hmmm…well, I know I’m actually always in the mood (so that hasn’t changed, LOL). But my husband is hardly ever in the mood anymore – it’s kind of a bummer! When we do have sex he really enjoys it, it’s just getting him in the mood that’s hard to do. I guess this is normal though for a lot of people…especially since my belly just keeps getting bigger and bigger, LOL.
August 5th, 2010 @12:35 pm
I don’t have any qualms with sex during pregnancy, but I noticed there has been a drastic drop in interest (on my part) since the 2nd trimester.
Initially, it was due to comfort (feels like there is a lot of pressure, which makes it uncomfortable), but now at 39 weeks, my lack of interest is due to the discomfort increasing and it’s difficult to find a position where my belly isn’t in the way.
My husband is very understanding and hasn’t been demanding, but he’s been honest, which helps. We’ve creatively figured out good compromises so that his needs are being met without sacrificing my physical or emotional comfort.
I’ve tried to keep in mind that, although I’m pregnant, I’m still responsible as his wife. By keeping that attitude, I think it’s easier for him to understand that when I REALLY “don’t feel like it”, I’m being honest and not copping out. I have a genuine desire to be a good wife and not be self-absorbed in how this pregnancy is affecting only myself, rather than “us” as a couple. He’s going through it too.
I really love that we’ve been able to work it out, but I wish I could do more. I wish it didn’t hurt and that I could enjoy more time with him.
I think men (just in general) should strive to be understanding about their partner’s physical and emotional changes. We’re uncomfortable, fatigued, often feeling sick, and have back pain that can restrict movement. However, that doesn’t mean women should neglect their partners. There needs to be compromise from both sides.
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